St. Valentine

Valentines Day. Or ‘Single’s Suicide’ Day. Ugh. Of course I’m cynical. I am divorced after all. I’ve had my fair share of sweet and now meaningless flower arrangements delivered to my bedside. Although I’m not anti the idea of expressing ones unfailing love through cards with well versed poems written by someone whose job it is to think up schmaltz for your love-shopping convenience, the problem with this particular day is that it’s a tight, smug little club. Either you’re in, or out. It’s not like the other days, where there are definite grey areas that accommodate most. Mothers or Fathers Day is a good example, you don’t have to be one to celebrate, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have them, and even if they’re no longer here, as is the case with my mother,  you can still get messages on such days from friends saying ‘thinking of you today’… You can abhor your parents with every fibre of your being, and not have spoken to them in 25 years, you still can’t be excluded, try as you might. Valentines Day, on the other hand… Even if you’re a couple that scoffs at the day and declares that you would rather have a romantic dinner any other night of year, this is your choice. And anyway, that’s stealing lines from the singles. That’s our defence against the dark art of smug love. The least you can do is leave our mantra alone. It is not a day easily ignored either. You would have to stab at both your eyeballs with the thorns of a red rose to achieve this. Red everywhere.The entire world for a single day becomes like a love bloodbath.  Horrifying carnage in the eyes of non-club members. Spain’s ‘La Tomatina’ is less of a mess. Seriously, someone needs to come up with a better colour scheme, we don’t even need to ditch the heinously cliché chocolate flowers combo. Just make it chocolate cupcakes and orchids. A classier non-kitsch version. Keeps the essence, loses the severe visual assault… If I owned a restaurant I would turn it into an exclusive singles only zone for just that night. Offer twofer one tequila specials, ban the colour red and use the tables for dancing on. I bet I would make a mint! *

But what is a mother to do when her sons buy into the hype? I recognise that it is my duty where the subject of couples love comes up, to avoid continuing the theme where their father and I are concerned, only that the opposite of love is contempt. But actions speak louder than words, and with no everyday loving couple visual aids at my disposal to counter the argument that there is true love without Valentines Day, I have to bow to it. Of course I’ll add a slight variation on the theme, them being sons and not lovers. Far be it for me to be so cynical as to kill the dream of a happy ending with their princess one day. So they will wake up on that good sense forsaken morning to chocolate cupcakes and homemade cards that will say something along the lines of

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Please Clean Your Room

I Love You

Thereby cleverly killing two (love) birds with one stone, with the added benefit of not selling my stubborn self out.

*Please note that these views are subject to change without explanation should the 21st century Mr Darcy ever show himself.


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