I love researching stuff on the internet. You can find an answer to the most obscure question, or like the picture above you can learn something you didn’t even know needed a lesson. It’s fantastic. Also fantastic is that in keeping with societal pressure of good parenting by requiring no screen time, the best lessons are the ones you can only learn from growing up. Of course every kid will learn something different, mine have learnt (not limited to) the following;
- Never assume someone else has switched on the geyser before getting into the shower.
- Your milkshakes won’t bring the boys to the yard, but simply boiling a kettle means making tea/coffee/Milo/Cup-Soup for the whole family.
- Sharing is hardly ever optional. What’s yours is ours unless you hide it well.
- Don’t believe anyone who asks you to help them ‘quickly’ hang a few pictures, it may mean spending the rest of the day trying to get the drill bit out of the wall.
- If you don’t want ham and cheese on your sandwich everyday of your entire school career, then make it yourself.
- If you show signs of being anything less than deliriously happy, then prepare to be badgered into talking about it, at length in serious detail.
- Walking home in the rain because the car wont start does not cause instant death.
- Stress less and learn to read the fine print, by signing your own permission slip and getting it back to school on time. If you accidentally sign up for boys synchronised swimming it’s your fault, if in the unlikely event you are agreeing to be plied with hallucinogenic, it’s not.
- Some things in life just can’t be explained, like if the cat chooses your bed to sleep on, you are instantly envied, move up the family hierarchy (for the duration of her stay only) and are excused for using it as an excuse not to do your homework.
- In the absence of material possessions you will be showered with lectures on life lessons.
- Rock Paper Scissors is a universally accepted binding agreement that cannot under any circumstances be overruled by a third party.
- There are absolutely never any guarantees from one day to the next, always be prepared for:
- The car not starting, changing an entire days plans
- Your sports kit being ‘freshened up’ in the tumble dryer instead of being washed
- An offer of DIY toast as an only option for any meal
- Apocalypse bathroom habits when the light bulb doesn’t get around to being changed for months at a time.
No one is thanking me for these lessons yet, but I know at the very least their wives will one day.